What are Wedding Vows?

Photo: Tara Beth Photography | Venue: Brooklyn Bridge Park | Officiant: Once Upon A Vow

If you have decided to write your own wedding vows and you’ve found your way here, you’re probably struggling with where to start and what to say. 

So let’s start from the very beginning. What are wedding vows anyway?

Wedding vows, at their very core, are simply promises. They’re the ultimate pinky swear, the most profound pact you’ll ever make, and essentially, they are your word to have each other’s backs and grow together even (and especially) when they annoy the crap outta you. Wedding vows are essentially a reaffirmation of your commitment to one another and a solemn promise to be there for each other through whatever madness you’ll face in this growingly complex world.

As long as you promise something - from the serious to the silly - you’ve got yourself a vow. Your promises can be anything from: “I will appreciate all the things you do for us and our family” to “I promise to be your pillow when we watch movies and let my arm get tingly and lose sensation”.

Your vows don’t have to be flowery or incredibly romantic if that’s not who you are or how you speak. They can funny, adorkable, or full of cheesy goodness just as long as they’re genuine and true to your personalities and relationship together.

But how do you even begin to put together the inner writings of your heart?

That just seems so overwhelming, right? Well, that’s a whole other blog post, but I recommend starting with a notebook, a pen, and deliriously good Spotify tunes. Or just your memo app, if that works best for you. 

Don’t try to write your vows in full sentences all at once just yet unless they’re pouring out of you. Keep it simple and write the first things that come to mind when you think of your soon-to-be other half - what do you appreciate about them, how have they supported you and helped you grow, what do you love about your relationship, etc. Keep that notebook around everywhere you go in case you’re struck with inspiration or save the memo over and over again so it doesn’t get accidentally deleted.

Who says their wedding vows first?

Traditionally, in cis-het marriages, the groom would say his wedding vows first. We’re living in modern times so our recommendation is to have an open conversation about who wants to share their vows first or second. Some people decide to go first or second based on how they think they’ll feel in the moment. For example, there are those who choose to share their wedding vows first because they think they’ll be too emotional from their partner’s vows to get through their own.

For couples who have a hard time deciding, we recommend playing a game of thumb wars or rock, paper, scissors as a playful ceremonial element during their actual wedding ceremony to determine who will share their wedding vows first. If that’s a bit too silly for your wedding ceremony vision, you can still play this game at home to help you decide.

As bilingual English and Spanish-speaking wedding officiants based in NYC and Boston, we started Once Upon A Vow as a wedding vow writing service where we helped couples find the right words to share with their beloved. After all, most people get overwhelmed with where to start writing their vows. Let alone figuring out what wedding vows are. Now, we use our love storyteller skills to create meaningful wedding ceremonies that deepen connection and create unforgettable ALL THE FEELS wedding memories. When you choose us as your love storytelling wedding officiant, we will guide and support you in pouring your heart out for your partner-in-everything.